PART 1: INTRODUCTION TO ICONz
In learning ICONz, we are going to give you keys that unlock proven ways to help you get along with other people and help you deal with situations in your life that make you feel angry, confused, worried, over excited or nervous. They are called ICONz.
There are nine different ICONz, and in the next several lessons, we are going to learn about them. LOOK AT THE ICONz AND AS WE DISCUSS THEM, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND TRY TO SEE THEM IN YOUR MIND.
#1: The first ICONz is Watch Your Speed.
When you get into a situation that makes you start to feel angry, worried, confused, nervous or too excited, start “watching your needle.” Notice how you are feeling and catch your anger, excitement, fear or confusion while your “needle” is still really low. There are different things you can do to keep your needle from getting too high: (1) slow down whatever you are doing; (2) take deep breaths and count to 10 slowly; (3) find something else to do to take your mind off the upsetting situation; (4) if you can, find someone you trust and talk to them.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of Watch Your Speed.)
#2: The second ICONz is Get the Big Picture.
What does it mean to GET THE BIG PICTURE? It means you start thinking about what the other people around you are doing or might be thinking. You try to figure out what is really going on that you might have missed or misunderstood. You look for little clues to tell you what others are doing or thinking — like how loud they talk, how they are dressed, if they seem to know each other, what they are talking about, and so forth.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of Get the Big Picture.)
#3: The third ICONz is Talk to Your People.
If something is making you feel sad, angry, confused, or nervous, find someone you trust and talk to them about how you are feeling. Ask them to help you understand what to do and decide to do it. You can ask someone you trust if what you think is going on is really happening. Get advice about what you can do. When you Talk to Your People, you also get to know others and they get to know you.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of Talk to Your People.)
#4: The fourth ICONz is Take Your Turn.
This means you may need to give the other person a turn, and then you can take yours. It also means that sometimes you may have to do things for someone that you might not want to do, and then there will be times when you can do what you want, and other people will do what you want them to do.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of Take Your Turn.)
#5: The fifth ICONz is Flex Your Mind.
When you are flexible, you don’t insist on things being only one certain way. You are open to them being a different way than what you thought they would be like. It might turn out better than you expected.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of Flex Your Mind.)
#6: The sixth ICONz is Find the Middle Ground.
Realize that sometimes you may have to give up a little of what you want and give the other person more of what they want in order for things to run smoothly. It also means that things are not always black or white, all one way or all another way. There is a compromise that everyone might be able to agree on. So you need to find the middle ground.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of Find the Middle Ground.)
#7: The seventh ICONz is Take Another Look.
Sometimes we think things are one way when there is another way to look at it. Sometimes we think about the same thing in a different way later on. You can use Take Another Look to double check your work, to see if what you think is happening really is happening, and get new information that can lead to a better work product, a different decision, or plan of action.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of Take Another Look.)
#8: The eighth ICONz is STOP (Yourself).
Whenever you feel sad, angry, too excited, confused, or nervous or if your mind is going over and over the same idea, or you can’t stop talking about the same thing, STOP what you are saying, doing and thinking. You can close your eyes and take ten deep breaths; you can go outside if you can; you can do something else for a little while until you are able to control your thoughts and feelings using the other ICONz.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of STOP (Yourself).)
#9: The ninth ICONz is Change is O.K.
Life is full of changes and things will not always work out the way you think they should, but that’s OK. Some change is welcome and other change is unwelcome, but change is always part of life.
(Ask the participants if they can think of examples of Change is O.K.)