Peter 1: Peter Meets a Girl Online
Peter talking to his counselor:
I guess you know I’ve been pretty down since the divorce and I haven’t really wanted to meet anyone new. Plus, I’m so busy at the shop I just haven’t had time to think about it much and, since our business is growing, a lot of times I have to work late to make sure everything gets done. Then on the weekends I try to spend as much time as I can with my kids.
But my sister keeps trying to set me up on blind dates and all my friends think it’s time I got back into the singles dating thing again. In fact, some of my buddies think I’m crazy for not going out with every girl I find.
I just don’t want to go through the whole getting to know someone thing again and maybe start liking a girl and then have her turn out like my wife. I don’t want to get “trapped” in a relationship again that doesn’t go the way I expect it to – especially with the kids. I want to be very careful that any girl I meet will get along with my kids. And I don’t think I could bear it if I got really attached to a girl and then it didn’t work out. So I’ve been dragging my feet about this whole thing.
But my business partner Doug tells me to just take it slow and maybe sign up for some of the internet dating sites and just hang in the background for awhile and see if there’s anyone on there I might be interested in. Or maybe go on eHarmony where you take a personality test and they match you with girls who have a lot of the same interests. But you have to pay to be a member on sites like Match.com or eHarmony, so I decided I’d start out in a free chat room for singles in this area and see what happened.
I’ve been kind of hanging out in this chatroom for a few weeks and kept noticing a girl on there whose user name was “Kelwash.” It’s a weird user name, but every time she said something in the chat she was kind and cheerful and sounded really innocent and even a little naive. She said she works with kids and a lot of times talks about how much she loves kids. This made me kind of lonesome for my own kids. I really love them, but I just have never been really good with kids.
Finally I got up the nerve to have an online conversation with Kelwash and found out she’s 24 years old and a teacher at a preschool and thinks it’s really fun to be able to work and play with the kids all day. She told me she’d been a little nervous about joining the singles’ chatroom, just like I was. But she said she thought it might be a good place to meet people and make new friends. She didn’t sound pushy like she was desperate to find a boyfriend. It just seemed like she was looking for new friends. I liked that.
So we wrote back and forth a few times in the chatroom and then started e-mailing. She sounded really nice and a lot of fun so I thought I’d invite her to a get-together Doug and his wife Sarah are having at their house. I gave her my number and told her to give me a call. We’ll see if she does.
Peter 1: Peter Meets a Girl Online
SITUATION: Peter’s sister and business partner have been urging him to start dating again after his divorce, but he’s been kind of afraid to try it. So he went on an online chatroom just to see if he could find anyone who seemed interesting and he met a girl who called herself “Kelwash” he’d like to get to know.
ASSESS THE CHARACTER AND THE SITUATION:
- What ICONz help you understand Peter?
- What does he say about himself, and how is he described that gives you a clue?
PREDICT THE OUTCOME BASED ON WHAT HAS HAPPENED SO FAR.
- Do you think that Peter wants to have a new relationship? How do you think he feels when he talks to the counselor about meeting Kelwash online?
CHOOSE A COURSE OF ACTION FOR A MORE POSITIVE OUTCOME.
- What ICONz can help Peter be willing to try something new and not expect things to turn out like in the past? How can he learn from someone who loves kids about how to get along with his own kids better?
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BASED ON WHAT HAPPENED WITH PETER:
- Think of a time when you were unsure of what to do next.
- Was there a time when you wanted to change and your friends were encouraging you to do something different, but it was hard to do that?
- What did you do?
- What ICONz would have helped you?
“HERE’S YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. REMEMBER TO COMPLETE IT BEFORE OUR NEXT SESSION.”
- Imagine that you had a bad experience with a boss, a teacher, or a neighbor. What could you learn by using Take Another Look and Change is OK to make it better?
- Share a personal story if you have one where you used Take Another Look and Change is OK.